Today and yesterday, I have been fortunate to connect with some heart-centered business owners in Marina Del Rey. The most amazing part though, is that I was in the same hotel only 4 years before for a mastermind meeting. I traveled from Canada to get there, and brought my newborn baby and Mom to help me take care of her. I was dreaming about living in California, and trying hard to make it a reality. I was willing to do whatever it took. I remember running up to the room every few hours to either pump or feed Ella. Ella had her first introduction the the Ritz Carlton, and quickly became know by the staff as “Miss Ella”. It was an amazing time in my life. As I reflect back now, from that very same hotel, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the journey that has taken me here. There have been up’s and down’s, tears and smiles, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Dreams do come true. Success can happen. Staying focused and preserving make all of the difference.
Our subconscious is actually a pretty crazy beast. It stores all of our thoughts, beliefs and memories throughout the duration of our lives. On the one hand it’s good because we don’t have to spend too much time thinking about things; i.e. when someone shows us a marker with a red lid, we automatically know it’s a red marker. We’ve had the experience over and over again of knowing the lid on the marker tells us the colour. Therefore, it’s ingrained into our mind and our being.
The flip side of this however, is that negative experiences are also ingrained into our minds and being. An example would be having a teacher tell you early on that you weren’t smart enough. You would likely grow-up having a confidence issue and feeling like you have to continuously prove yourself. P.S. You can learn to be smart! Check out the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success written by Carol Dweck, for more information on this subject.
Beliefs are also ingrained into our subconscious at a very early age. In the above examples, I talked about experiences. Beliefs however, can be based on experiences but are also passed down to us by different influential people in our lives. Usually our parents and their beliefs are passed down to us from their parents and so on. It continues and continues until someone breaks the cycle. Have you ever heard the story about the woman who always cut the ends off the ham before cooking it? When her husband asked her why she prepared it that way, she said it was because her mom always did it that way. When they started asking her family more about it, they learned that her grandma started doing it because the pan she had was too small to fit a whole ham! You can see how the belief was just passed down without question. Examine the beliefs you have and where they come from. Money beliefs are a big one!
The problem is that a lot of the beliefs we are given aren’t true and what ends up happening as a result is the fear around said beliefs builds up and keeps us stuck. I realized that I have a fear of abandonment – this was my big break through and I share it with you with the hope of helping you move forward. Sure, my Dad would come and go and missed a lot the last few years before he passed, but there was more to it then the obvious. I remember being chastised by my group of girlfriends during the formative years in high school. They actually called a meeting behind my back and then invited me over to reprimand me. All 9 girls then proceeded to tell me what was bothering them about me and that I needed to change. The funny thing here, is this all stemmed from me doing something different from the group. I decided to graduate from high school early and I was making new friends in the grade ahead of me as a result. This didn’t go over well. As a result, I continued to hang out with the new friends and graduated early. Interestingly enough, after this happened to me, everyone else in the group began to see that one-person in particular was toxic and negatively influencing the entire group to do what she wanted. One-by-one they removed themselves from her company!
The point here though, is that as a result of this I had a deeply seeded belief about needing to be liked by people and to fit into the group. I see how this has been showing-up in everything I do. I have struggled with saying no to people and following my own dreams. I learned a lot through the process of following my heart and moving to a new country! It’s also held me back in my business. I realize I have been more of a “friend” to clients rather than their coach, when in fact what they really want from me is to help them see the truth and move them forward.
The good news is that there is a solution and a way to change all of this. Know this – whatever you aren’t consciously rejecting, you are subconsciously accepting. Just knowing this made all of the difference for me. I’m now aware when I start to slip into trying to please people and wondering what they’re thinking of me. I stop myself and say no, I’m not going to think this way anymore and I reject it. What has happened as a result is that I have been signing-up even more clients! Not only have I been getting out of my own way, I’m actually helping more people do the same! It’s truly liberating!
I invite you to ask yourself what is holding you back from having a life you love? It’s important to dig really deep here. It might be painful, but isn’t it worth it? Once you’ve identified it, think about where it started. The idea here is not to cast blame, but to create awareness so that you can remove the roadblock it’s created. Then consciously reject it whenever it rears its ugly head 🙂 Amen.